14 Days In

No, wait, hold on. I am not starting every blog post with the number of days “in” I am.

That’s nonsense.

And will get boring very quickly.

So this is the last time, for a while at least, I will use that title hook. Going forward, my own personal blogs will have my own personal titles. Even if they are shit, and boring. They’ll be mine.

Aside from that, how are we doing 14 days is? Well, the boost from week two was not as good as the boost from week one. And there’s a lesson there. I repeated week one, I didn’t really build on it. That will work for some, but it doesn’t work for me. I have an itch I need to scratch, and that itch requires forward momentum. Each day a little better than the last; otherwise, why bother?

Yeah that’s probably not the healthiest way to look at it.

I get it. I know I need some rewiring. Although, I would argue as long as I know my quirks maybe they’ll work for me. I mean, I need to move forward. Is that so bad? Is the need to improve such a terrible thing? It’s not really, unless I let it take control in the wrong way. It’s a strength unless I let it undermine my efforts, aka “why bother if you’re not actually seeing the progress”. That’s an easy landmine to step on. Then bang, my motivation to do anything is spread thinner than common sense at a political rally.

Yesterday felt that way. I did a lot, but couldn’t see progress. I know it will come, but I just couldn’t see it. I felt that familiar spiral. Here it comes.

I don’t know why, but today was different. I write this and it.s 0640, so the day hasn’t really got going yet. But in spite of yesterdays struggle, I got up bang on time, got to the gym and worked up a metaphorical sweat. Metaphorical? Yes, exertion doesn’t normally make me sweat, only heat. Strange, I know. Regardless, I had a good workout. I broke all kinds of records. None actually, but that doesn’t matter. I couldn’t do more, that means it was successful. And I wrote down what I did, which is kinda important by the way.

That wasn’t motivation that got me out of bed. It was discipline. It was a reaction to the alarm, not a negotiation with it. If I negotiate with an alarm I lose, every time. Discipline got me through. Upon returning home, I made some breakfast; well, made is a loose term. I put some bran flakes and milk in a bowl. Bran flakes with sultanas I should clarify.

By the way, what the fuck is a sultana?

Never mind. Tangent.

Then, at a lovely 0530 I take the dogs out for their morning walk. It was cool, but not cold. The sun was rising over the houses. Warm enough for me to be in shorts and a t-shirt. Music on, head down, power through. Then came the motivation. As the sun started to bask my ginger bearded face a song came on. The most unlikely song.

The Star Wars Theme – Disco version, by the Intergalactic Symphony Orchestra.

Ask no questions on this one. The why doesn’t matter on this, nor does trying to logic it out. That song just hit a vibe that was hiding somewhere in my body. Maybe it was a reward for leveraging discipline to do the needful. I didn’t even think I needed motivation at that point, it hit though.

Imagine this.

A 270lb ginger beard with no neck, two dogs, dancing down the street to unheard funk. It just worked for me. So well.

And then it was followed by…

One of the most uplifting film themes of all time. One that still gives me goose bumps. One that soars, and makes everything inside me soar with it.

John Williams theme from ET. As the sun rose and spread across the land ahead of me. The hills in the distance. The fields. If you believe in God, that would be evidence. If you don’t, it’s at the very least awe-inspiring and beautiful.

And there cam the motivation for my day, not before I needed it, when discipline would see me through. After, when I had already achieved. Life is a funny thing.

Anyway, a meandering way to say that as I enter week three, I needed to see progress, apply my discipline. In doing so, I found some motivation when I didn’t know I needed it. I skipped down the street with two dogs.

And now I tell you about it. Lucky you.

This week has a turning point feel to it. But I recognise that’s a false dawn I’ve had before. Only discipline and standards will see it through.

And Star Wars Disco.