You know in the six months I wasn’t working I could have achieved a lot, here and other places. But there’s something they don’t tell you when you’ve worked for 27 years and suddenly find yourself in a “career break”. It’s depressing as fuck. That’s why I haven’t done much. I visited the gym a few times, but really it was hard to do anything constructive or productive, my massive ego was bruised.

Yet here I am, soon to leave July and I am working. Ego restoring, value refilling. At some point in the last 7 weeks I decided to go to our referee training. Oh yeah, that’s right, I am a referee. A lot of running at this thing, and man it was hard, but was for a reason. I made progress over the 7 weeks, but not at the rate I desired. Once a week running was not going to cut it. Cue getting advice from a friend, a former competitive runner who also helped me get into the iron pumping. That was possibly my first big mistake this year. This man had a plan, one that would change my life if I stuck to it. Last night, he took me out to a park (calm down, this isn’t that kind of story) and ran me raw. For a 270lb man I did well, and he had designed it to have me ragged but not cardiac culled.

It made me think; who the fuck invented running. As a sport I mean. I get running away from big scary creatures in yonder years, but honestly who enjoys that absolute torture. Well, obviously I did. To an extent. I may even do it again. Tomorrow morning. At 6am.

You see I felt both completely exhausted and totally energised at the same time. An odd dichotomy that I am sure only sadomasochists will truly understand. It will get easier, only not at the same time. Another oxymoron, as opposed to this moron trying to get oxygen last night.

Now, you have to understand where I am coming from. 200m is how far I can run, at 50% pace, before I need to stop and walk to catch my breath. I did a baseline run at the weekend and managed 1.97miles in 30 minutes, so overall the run/walk pace was less than 4mph. Much slower than the 4 minute mile should I point out, in case you hadn’t realised. So I have my first major goal, which is to run continuously for 30 minutes even at a slow pace. Not as slow as 4mph, but slow for other runners.

Why? Well, I have my reasons, the biggest of which is to prove to myself I can do it. The smaller one, is to shock the people who doubt me. There are some. I’m one of them.

But still, fuck running. I’ll do it again tomorrow.